Understanding My Mother

Something that was life altering for me was the change in how I perceived my mother. I always loved her but I had judged her harshly for how absent she had been in my family's life. I found as the years went on that I found every opportunity to criticize her. I said very cruel things about her to others and even said some of my comments to her personally. I justified my comments to her because my perception of her actions or lack of actions was that she didn't care.

But now, my eyes opened to a whole new understanding of the despair and misery my mother had experienced throughout her life and I felt deep regret and sorrow for the judgments I made against her. When she fell victim to depression, the doctors had little or no experience with this disease. She suffered some very primitive and barbaric treatments in their attempts to heal her.

I finally understood because of my own personal experiences that the reason for her not being there wasn't because she did not want to be, but because she could not be! Now I had empathy that could only come through me being personally afflicted with this same disease. I finally understood and appreciated the tremendous mother she really was given the unbelievable burdens, obstacles and treatments of depression she had to endure.