Sorry it has been so long. My son got home from a two year mission in Zimbabwe for the LDS church. And then I got hit with a sickness I am having a hard time kicking.
I had wanted to blame my depression on the terrible stress I had undergone in the preceding two years. When it didn't leave as some of those stresses were lifted, I found myself slipping even deeper into the pit. What followed were some of the darkest days of my life. The depression hit me harder than ever and I was drowning. I felt like my body was just around an empty shell. I couldn't function. I couldn't leave my home. I couldn't clean or do the laundry. I was shutting down and didn't know how to stop it.
I was a mother of eight and that took every part of my being to just do that. I grew up with a mother that lived behind closed bedroom doors and I wasn't going to shut my children out of my life. So if it was the ONLY thing I could do, then so be it. I also felt they deserved to know what was going on with me. I didn't want a shroud of secrecy in our home. If I failed them, then nothing else mattered.
Sorry to hear things have been so bad. I was hoping Steven coming home would brighten your life. I'm sure in time he will have a calming, peaceful spirit that will help you through.
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