I have a better understanding now and greater insight into depression. Some of these insights have come very recently as I have been writing on this blog. As I look back on my teen years, I can see that I actually experienced episodes of depression throughout my life. They were shorter and I eventually pulled out of them without medications or even understanding what really happened.
Growing up in a family of eight children, I would find myself trying to disappear for hours or days at a time. If I could avoid talking to anyone, I did. In at least three separate instances, I recall sitting on the floor in my mother's room for hours as she tried to get me to talk and tell her what was wrong with me. Since I couldn't understand what was happening to me, I couldn't vocalize my feelings which meant I stayed on the floor. Finally, I would come up with something to say which earned me the freedom to leave her room. I wonder if I could have described what I was feeling, would my mother have recognized that I was experiencing depression similar to hers? Would she have opened up and tried to find a way to help me?
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