In the last twenty years I have realized that part of this debilitating disease is the inability to function, to even do simple tasks. I recognize the biggest challenge for me is taking that first step. It is like getting a two ton ball rolling. If the ball was already moving, I might be able to keep it rolling. Just the thought of me trying to get a two ton ball rolling is so absurd that is overwhelming and beyond my capacity.

This becomes even harder if it involves leaving my house. There are times when I actually leave the house to drive to a store but then I can't get out of the car. I would just sit in the parking lot for a while and then just go home filled with frustration that I couldn't even buy groceries for my family. Once in a while, I would actually get out of the car and walk into the store only to turn right around and leave.